F A T E
by xMAYUness
Summary: Oneshot! This weapon...that chains me to this life...this eye that constantly reminds me of my sin...Based on Chapter 166 of the manga and episode 7 of the anime.


"The 14th Noah" by Allen the Musician

I do not own D.Gray-Man

Chapter 1: The 14th Noah

Thanks to Alice the Nightingale. She encouraged me to make this!

--

**Fate**

That word was imprinted in my mind.

Was it my fate that I live for the akuma? Was it my fate to suffer loss over and over again. I've asked this question in my mind ever since I realized I was alone because of 'it'.

Because of 'it', this cursed arm I was alone. I thought that no one understood how it felt to have something like this. I didn't want friends nor did I want a family. I didn't want to be rejected anymore.

I remembered that day. I remembered when that small dog who belonged to my father licked this grotesque hand. It felt warm. I felt a tingle and liked how there was a little warmth on this horrible hand. That soon went away when a few hours later I found it dead. It was covered in bruises next to a big clown. He seemed not too sad due to the fact he wasn't crying.

Instead I cried in his place. I grieved for the dog, who I thought of as my friend. I wonder what that clown thought of me when I shed tears for a dog, who I wasn't even the owner of. But the clown just smiled sadly and lay his hand on top of my head.

--

That was my first memory of Mana. At the time I often did odd jobs. So I already knew this person. Who would've thought he would be my foster father?

But it all changed when it happened. I finally found a bit of happiness. I wasn't rejected by Mana. But the day Mana...died was probably the worst day in my life.

I hadn't seen the on coming carriage so I continued to walk across the street. Once I realized the carriage it was too late. I lay on the ground. Unharmed. I had to live once more. The cost of that was Mana's life.

He saved me. He saved me from death.

"_Don't stop walking, no matter where to."_

"_Don't die! Don't leave me all alone!"_

"_Keep on walking. Until...the day...you die."_

That moment I knew Mana had died. I still remember when I resurrected him. It was the Millennium Earl that brought Mana back. Mana was back but not as a human. As an Akuma.

"_I can bring Mana back from the world you so detest."_

"_Mana!" _

"_Run! Run father! Please don't hurt Mana anymore!"_

Of course 'it' wouldn't listen.

I killed Mana. I killed him again. How could I live with that? Why wasn't it me who died instead of Mana. I caused him so much grief yet in the end he still said 'I love you.'

--

That was my last memory of Mana. I decided to become an Exorcist. To keep moving forward until there's no more life in me.

Somehow I found more people who accepted my deformed arm. Lenalee, Lavi, Krory, even BaKanda. I felt secure to be with others who I thought of as friends. I always fought for the Akuma. I did nothing else. When I met everyone I lost sight of that and decided to fight for both Akuma and my comrades.

Everyone including myself had moved into a new building for Headquarters. I was told to head into a room where Master was. Before that a restrainer was placed on my left arm. We were on the same side so I had no idea why they had to restrain me, especially with this type of method.

I noticed that Lavi was in the room along with guards as well.

"Mana had some connection with the 14th, didn't he?" I asked, hoping it wasn't true.

It was true. Mana was the 14th's older brother. He was with him until he died. Even Master knew this all along.

"When the 14th died, I'd promise I watched over Mana. If I did, he'd come back to Mana someday. You promised me that Allen."

The only line I payed attention to, was the last sentence.

**What**

"...Or should I say the 14th." Those words came out of Master's mouth.

**It can't be**

I could see that Lavi was surprised at his remark as well. It's not true! I couldn't! I can't!

"He probably hasn't fully awakened, but you've started feeling the 14th within you, haven't you, Allen?"

**It's a lie**

"Huh? What're you talking-"

"Don't play dumb. You knew the player's song. That's his memories."

Why this all of a sudden? Is this why I was restrained? Because they don't trust me?

"You had the 14th's 'memories' implanted in you."

Implanted? Does this curse mean anything more?

"You're the host necessary for his revival."

Those words struck me the most. Did Master mean Mana did this? Did Mana plan this?

**Why**

Did Mana implant his 'memories' in me with this curse?

I hate it! I hate it so much!

This arm, that killed my own father. This eye, which constantly reminds me of my sin and has made my life a living hell. Everything is so confusing and hard!

Why couldn't I live a normal life? With no Exorcist's or Innocence. No Millennium Earl or the Noah's. No Akuma.

This is reality. And I can't change that.

I'm forced to play this game.

This isn't my life anymore. I can't make my own choices. My life is not mine, it never was, it's being controlled and I can't escape that.

Mana...Is this really your doing?

My fate isn't the question anymore. I understand my fate.

But I have another question that has yet to be answered.

**Why did this fate choose me?**

**--**

**Dramatic, huh? Yes, Yes my first Fanfiction so please be nice. And review so I'll know what to improve on because really I don't have anymore ideas for anymore fics. XP**


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